Our client Patty called us. “I’ve got a zombie problem!” she said.
“What’s up?” we asked her.
“About five months ago we hired in a new VP of Product Engineering,” she said, “a real jerk, if I may be candid.”
“You work in Marketing,” we said. “How does this person’s jerkishness affect you?”
“He has decided that he’s going to take control of the product release process,” Patty replied. “I figured, let him do what he wants. I just make sure the documentation is ready.”
“Okay,” we said. “What happened to make you call us?”
“We have a big release coming out next week,” said Patty. “My team’s piece of it was ready two weeks ago. I’m working on other things. Then I heard that yesterday at the executive staff meeting, this new VP Allen threw me under the bus. He said the documentation was late, and full of errors. I heard about it through the grapevine. It’s complete B.S. The documentation is perfect.”
“Ouch,” we said. “What do you think is going on?”
“This Allen is in over his head, it’s becoming obvious,” Patty said. “I could see right away when he started that he was the blustery type, all talk and no action, but I didn’t know until recently that he’s a back-stabber, too. My boss, Stephanie, wasn’t at the executive staff meeting. As far as I know, she hasn’t heard any of this. I don’t know what to tell her, if anything, but from the way I heard it Allen laid it out to the other VPs that we’re not ready to launch and it’s my team’s fault. It’s ridiculous! All of our documentation was submitted ages ago.”
“It’s upsetting, for sure,” said my colleague Molly, “but does it matter what Allen tells people? Do you have the option to just go about your day and forget it?”
“Unfortunately not,” said Patty. “Allen boss is the VP of Engineering, Suresh. He left me a polite but agitated voice mail message asking me to call him. I have to return his call today and I’m not sure what to say. Obviously I have to tell him that Allen was mistaken. He can check the product database for himself and see that our documentation is fine. I’ve never tangled with a VP before. This is new territory for me.”
“Is this a random thing?” I asked. “Why would Allen throw you under the bus?”
“It’s not random,” said Patty. “A month ago at a product meeting, Allen got in my face pretty bad. Evidently he thinks Documentation should report into Engineering, and I understand that point of view. I wouldn’t even really care about the issue of where our team falls in the organizational chart, but I’d never work for this idiot. He’s completely out of his depth, and he’s petty and mean and unprofessional on top of it.”
“So you two had a disagreement at the product meeting…” prompted Molly.
“Oh yes we did!” said Patty. “Out of nowhere Allen started talking about our team holding up next week’s release. I told him in the meeting that his facts were completely wrong and that he needed to verify whatever he had heard, or more likely just made up in order to excuse his own performance problems. He’s had it in for me since then, it’s obvious. I don’t think he’s used to people a level down standing up to him.”
“I’m a bit confused,” I said. “You said you had a zombie problem. I hear about your problem with Allen, who sounds like a toad. Where does the zombie part come in?”
“That’s my peer group,” said Patty, “and really the most disheartening part of this whole mess. After the product meeting where Allen tried to cut me off at the knees and I brushed him back, he sent a spittle-flying angry email diatribe to every manager in the company. It’s a psychotic rant about six pages long, all in one incomprehensible email. None of my fellow managers responded to it to defend me. Only one of them even spoke to me about it. ‘Tough situation with that guy Allan,’ was the one comment I heard. That’s pretty harsh, when I’ve worked with these folks for five years and had a great time and got a lot of products to the market.”
“Your fellow managers are afraid of the rogue VP,” said Molly. “They’re hunkering down until this storm passes.”
“Maybe they are, but it still hurts,” said Patty. “I felt that they had my back more than evidently they do.”
“That can sting,” I said. “Your peers can tell there’s a major disturbance in the Force. They just want it to go away. They don’t want to get caught up in it.”
“Aren’t teammates supposed to rally behind and support one another?” asked Patty. She sounded exhausted.
“For sure,” said Molly. “Try not to be too hard on them. They’re panicked. They don’t know what you know — that Allen is an insignificant little hopping toad who is likely to be off the payroll within a few weeks, when his boss sorts out what’s going on.”
“It’s inevitable that he will self-destruct,” said Patty, “but why do I have to be the midwife for that implosion? It’s not fair to me.”
“Your boss, Stephanie,” I began. “Would it be worth talking with her?”
“I want to, but it feels so much like high school to call my boss in New Zealand and complain about a big-mouth VP giving me a hard time!” said Patty.
“You wouldn’t be complaining,” said Molly. “You’d be bringing Stephanie up to date and letting her know that the release may be at risk, not because of anything documentation-related but because of other issues. You’d be doing her a favor.”
“I’m going to call her, and I’m going to level with Suresh, too,” said Patty. “I’m sick of keeping quiet to try and appease a crazy person who is hurting the company just by being here.”
“Have we talked about the neutral zone?” asked Molly.
“I’m not sure,” said Patty. “Can you remind me what that is?”
“The neutral zone is the place where you put issues and events that are still working their way through the energy field,” said Molly. “You’re upset, and anyone could understand why. You’re doing your job, harming no one, and this Allen flies in from Mars and starts attacking you.
“That’s a fear reaction. He’s in fight or flight mode, and he’s chosen to fight. It’s sad. He doesn’t know how to get out of the hole he’s dug, so he’s trying to deflect attention away from himself and onto you.
“Your job is to stay in your body, stay calm and let nature take its course. Allen is self-destructing in front of your eyes. Once the rant-y emails start flying, you can see where things are headed. He knows he’s going to miss that release date next week and he doesn’t know how to fix it. For some reason you looked like a convenient scapegoat. He doesn’t know how much credibility you have — or how solid you are as a person, either.”
“Thank you for saying that!” said Patty. “I don’t feel all that solid at this moment. I’m not the office politics type at all.”
“No way!” I laughed. “You’re the peacemaker. You’re the bookworm den mother.”
“That’s right!” said Patty. “In my next lifetime, I’ll use that as my LinkedIn LNKD -2.83% headline.”
“Neutral zone this whole thing,” said Molly. “Don’t waste your emotional energy on poor, sad Allen or your temporarily zombified teammates. Don’t harbor ill feelings toward them. You happen to have more mojo than they do right now. When this situation is over, I’ll bet some of them will apologize to you for sitting on the sidelines. They’ll be embarrassed.”
“I’m putting this thing in the neutral zone,” said Patty. “I’m going to stop worrying myself to death. I’ve been too stressed about it. I can’t even sleep. Allen isn’t worth it.”
Patty and Stephanie talked for an hour by phone the next day. Suresh, Stephanie and Patty had an emergency phone conference. Allen was relieved of his duties and put on Special Projects the following Monday. Allen principal Special Project was to find himself a new job with all possible haste.
Patty’s teammates and Allen subordinates starting coming out of the woodwork to thank her for speaking up about a difficult situation.
“Suresh asked me to be on the interviewing team for Allen replacement,” Patty told us.
“See?” said Molly. “You stepped up to handle a sticky problem professionally and gracefully.”
“Now I can see why you guys always talk about staying grounded,” Patty said. “Fear is real. Adrenaline shoots through your veins when you feel like you’re under attack.”
“Fear IS real,” said Molly. “Now, do you feel a little more sympathy for your formerly zombified colleagues?”
“I was kind of upset with them,” said Patty, “but I put my anger in the neutral zone.”
“Attagirl!” we said.
Patty is growing her muscles for the new-millennium workplace. Her technical skills are great. These days, it’s the sticky human topics that throw us off the track at work and disturb our equilibrium.
Allen turned out to be a great teacher. The poor guy even asked Patty for a LinkedIn endorsement for his job search.
“I politely declined that request,” said Patty. “But you’re right, just a few weeks after the firestorm I do feel sorry for the guy.”
“Life is long,” we said, “and it’s all learning. Look at the learning you got from this experience!”
“It’s all about the neutral zone, right?” laughed Patty, whose muscles just got a little stronger.
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